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Losing a son to suicide

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  • 02/13/14--08:24: Dreams of Malcolm
  • Malcolm visits me at night, a character in my dream-stories. One night he cried, because he was dead, too scared to live. Can I do it over, mom? He wept. No, my sweet, it’s done.

    MoMo

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  • 05/13/14--15:48: missing you
  • Malcolm is gone Malcolm is cold Malc cannot laugh Malc cannot smile Malcolm is forever silent in the world But in my head Malcolm laughs And says Hello Mum And giggles, probably high on weed Little did we guess how … Continue reading

    MoMo

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  • 07/10/14--08:37: The Giant Sad
  • Once upon a time there was a little boy called Malcolm who had a mummy and a daddy who loved him very much. And he had a baby brother called James that he wasn’t so sure about at first, but … Continue reading

    MoEmoticon__Sad_Face_by_NockorMoEmoticon__Sad_Face_by_Nockor

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  • 08/13/14--18:17: The death of Robin Williams
  • http://seleni.org/about/news/reacting-to-the-death-of-robin-williams#sthash.j0dbvlf0 “Williams’ death exposes us, however briefly, to the reality and risks of mental illness. As we mourn him, let’s take this moment to speak honestly about mental illness and offer support to anyone who is struggling with it.”

    MoMo

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  • 12/20/14--14:47: Christmas time is here again
  • Christmas, a time when we find ourselves asking, Were our boys happy? Did we have good Christmases? And we give each other encouragement: Yes, Love, they were happy. They had good memories of Christmas. We did that right. And we decorate … Continue reading

    Mosnow on christmasMosnow on christmas

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  • 12/26/14--11:20: Time
  •  Image from thuland-hansen.no This time of the year. Is it the right time? There’s not enough time. Do you have time for a … We seem to be controlled by this thing called time. But what is it? It is … Continue reading

    Mobeauty-black-and-white-clock-eye-tears-time-Favim_com-89879Mobeauty-black-and-white-clock-eye-tears-time-Favim_com-89879

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  • 01/04/14--20:03: Rediscovering hope
  • It is now 2014. This year we will mark the seven year anniversary of Malcolm’s death and it will also mark a number of changes in my life. I lost my job in September and that could have been a … Continue reading

    MoMo

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    When grief is cyclical you visit the grief over and over again. You face the same questions, the same guilt. Sometimes it seems to feel as bad as the first few months, or maybe you just don’t remember how awful … Continue reading

    MoMo

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  • 03/01/15--16:49: STAY
  • STAY Pull back the veil of fate Does it have to be this hard Does it have to be this way Am I too late There’s another day Speak to your power Speak to your hope Smoke another cigar Light … Continue reading

    MountitledMountitled

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  • 03/21/15--18:42: Traces of Hope
  • Over the past few years I have used the opportunity offered by this blog to reflect on my journey of healing from the loss of my son. I thank all those who have reached out to me or shared their … Continue reading

    MoMo

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  • 04/08/15--06:19: Don’t “But” my Grief
  • Reflections of a family member whose mother has died: I’m in pain. I feel overwhelmed. I’m numb. I’m angry. So don’t “But” me. Don’t give me pious platitudes, “But she’s at peace.” Great – what the hell do I do now, … Continue reading

    Mo800px-Goats_butting_heads_in_GermanyMo800px-Goats_butting_heads_in_Germany

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  • 08/14/15--07:33: Hope in Seasons of Loss
  • How do I process my grief? Does suffering have any meaning? Do we live in a random chaotic universe? Is it time to re-evaluate my understanding of “God”? This book is for anyone who has suffered a loss – of … Continue reading

    Motraces of hopeMotraces of hope

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  • 09/06/15--07:26: For Jenn
  • A friend recently lost her husband, a young man of 45. They have six children, two still in grammar school. Seeing her at the Vigil Service brought up so much pain … for me, for her, for her children. When … Continue reading

    MoMo

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  • 09/26/16--11:14: The myth of “one year”
  • “While medications may help to allay some symptoms of anxiety and depression, we hear over and over from those taking tranquilizers and antidepressants that their symptoms persist or, in some cases, are worse. As noted bereavement therapist, Peter Lynch, MSW, … Continue reading

    MoimageMoimage

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  • 03/04/17--01:55: Loss is like a tsunami
  • In New Orleans we are very aware of the power of great waves pushed up by hurricanes. Driving along the coast recently I was reminded of this power and how much had to be rebuilt after Hurricane Katrina. The loss … Continue reading

    MoimageMoimage

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  • 05/06/17--17:04: I am struggling
  • These past few weeks it feels as if the tsnumai is winning. Each day I feel as if it is pulling me down and I am struggling more and more for breath. I thought it would get easier after his … Continue reading

    Momother hugMomother hug

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    Every day with your child was mother’s day. Every day you held them, fed them, scolded them, sang them to sleep, wiped their tears, changed their diapers, washed their clothes, agonized with them about their break-ups, celebrated their victories, supported … Continue reading

    Mobreastfeeeding_mother_holding_babyMobreastfeeeding_mother_holding_baby

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  • 08/16/17--10:40: Just for Today
  • Ten years. Ten thousand sighs. Ten million tears. Inconceivable that it could be so long, that I have carried on. Unbelievable became the truth; Grief became the norm. But slowly inconsolable became absorbed And glimmers of hope emerged. Would there … Continue reading

    Momalc smilingMomalc smiling

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  • 12/02/17--16:33: Holiday Blues
  • The following is part of a presentation I gave on grief. This part deals specifically with the holidays. 67  ADDENDUM:    HOLIDAY BLUES The problem with “Firsts” We are in October, there are already Thanksgiving decorations on sale; soon there will … Continue reading

    MocandleMocandle

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    I recently discovered the work of a local artist who had an exhibition where I work. One painting struck me to the core: it was Malcolm! Or at least it could have been. Same build.  And the cap. And he … Continue reading

    Moherb willey's malcolmMoherb willey's malcolm

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